so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
