Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
