I accidentally burped into my bong.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize