I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
