Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my poor anus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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