I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
