The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize