God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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