i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
