The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
