i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
