CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
