I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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