I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize