so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
