I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
