I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
