I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
