Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
