Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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