Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
