It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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