giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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