got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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