Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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