I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
