I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
