At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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