Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In America we eat man semen.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
