I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
