Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
