When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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