Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
