i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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