FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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