we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
