I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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