I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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