You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
