So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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