I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
