So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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