I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
