2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
