My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
40s are totally the cure
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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