Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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