the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
