when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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