i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
