So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
