Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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