I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
