how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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