Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I supernannyed him into submission
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize