Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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