You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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