1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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