pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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