after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
