420 ftw
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
