i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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