So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
