i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
