Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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