i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
