I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
