Girls should come with a carfax report
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
