That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
