yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
