her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
