She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
