omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
