just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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