It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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