hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
