Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
