You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
