there's paper in my vomit.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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