This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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