i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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